Hercule Satan vs. Don Kanonji
Hercule Satan vs. Don Kanonji is a What-If? Episode of Death Battle, pitting Hercule Satan from Dragon Ball Z against Don Kanonji from Bleach. Description Dragon Ball Z VS Bleach! Which over-the-top, in-universe weakling adored by many fans will for once score a victory? Interlude Wiz: The realm of Shounen has given us many badass heroes of all shapes and sizes. Boomstick: But what if Shounen heroes were a little less... badass? Like Hercule Satan, the World Champion! Wiz: And Don Kanonji, the ghost-hunting TV star. Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick! Wiz: It's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to see who would win... a Death Battle. Hercule Satan Wiz: More powerful than just about everyone on Earth, winner of countless battles, someone who inspires people very day... Boomstick: Is it Goku? Wiz: Well, if you were to create a character who had Goku's real-life popularity and turn it into in-universe popularity among millions of fans, you would have... Hercule Satan. Boomstick: Otherwise known as, one of the most laughable characters in all of fiction. Wiz: As hilarious and ridiculous as Hercule is, his backstory is actually a lot darker than you would expect. See, Hercule, then known as Mark, was actually born into a place known as the "Satan Castle". He was trained in all sorts of martial arts, and won his first tournament at a very young age. However, one day he and his trainer were on tour, and his trainer got killed while the two of them were mocking Mercenary Tao's hair. Boomstick: Yeah, then Mark decided that he'd never fight anyone whom he didn't know the identity of, or who was just crazy powerful. Wiz: However, this didn't stop Hercule from entering the World Tournament every year, and more often than not winning. As a matter of fact, Hercule is so powerful that he can send peak humans flying out of the ring with a single kick, and can move faster than the eye can see. Boomstick: Not bad for someone we all laugh at for getting swatted out of the arena by Cell! Wiz: Yeah... Boomstick: Hercule has a cool variety of martial arts techniques he likes to use on his opponents! Wiz: And by "martial arts techniques", that usually means some sort of combination of punches and kicks. He often gives... ridiculous names to his techniques, such as the "Satan Punch", "King of Dreamers", "Dynamic Mess 'Em Up Punch", and "Dynamite Kick". Boomstick: But like Wiz said, these are just cool names. Hell, I could name my shotgun "The Boomstick of Doom" but it'd still be a regular shotgun. Wiz: Actually... that's pretty deep of you, Boomstick. I should think about that. Boomstick: I have a lot of time on my hands. Anyway, Hercule is... kind of a shitty fighter compared to the Z Fighters. He can't fly or use ki very well, so he uses a jetpack to fly! Oh, and he has some cool weapons! He has a 45 calibre gun, a bomb he hides in a present, grenades, bazookas, and even a goddamn mortar! Oh, and rocks. Wiz: ...However, he doesn't REALLY go into battle with all his weapons, and he just prefers to take his opponents out with his bare hands. Boomstick: Oh yeah, right. Wiz: But despite being swatted out of the ring by Cell and having almost no power in comparison to the Z Fighters, Hercule is actually one of the most powerful men on Earth. In fact, by manifesting the very minuscule amount of ki that he has, he can actually attain the state of Hi-Tension, which raises his physical stats and lets ki channel throughout his body. However, since he almost never actually gets serious in battle, he rarely ever even uses this state. Boomstick: But if you need convincing that Hercule is a badass, let me remind you of the time he chopped 14 rock tiles in half with a single karate chop! Or when he pulled four buses by himself! And that time he defeated Android 18! Wiz: Well... to be fair, 18 kinda... threw the match. There's also the fact that Hercule is vastly egotistical. He probably hides all his ego in that ridiculous hair of his. Boomstick: Yet somehow, people cheer him on anyway. I mean, people think that the guy beat Cell! That's how you know people respect you. Don Kanonji Wiz: He's a television legend, spirit medium extraordinaire, with a unique weapon... it's- Boomstick: Ichigo! Wiz: It's actually Don Kanonji. See, this man... actually doesn't have much of a backstory. He was born in Japan and then went to graduate school, studied abroad and then took an interest in the supernatural, and when he returned he got himself his own reality show. Yep, that's the real backstory of Don Kanonji. Boomstick: How in-depth! Wiz: Don's show actually became one of the most successful shows in the world, supposedly attracting twenty-five percent of viewers all over the world. Boomstick: That's a lot of viewers for a guy who spends his shows poking a staff at random objects as people watch, thinking he's exorcising ghosts or something! Wiz: Though, surprisingly enough, he actually IS doing something with the ghosts in his show. However, what he didn't realize is that what he was doing was actually aiding in the creation of more Hollows. Boomstick: That'll put the Ghostbusters out of business! Wiz: While it may seem otherwise, Don is actually a very competent fighter. His staff is his primary form of combat, and just by charging its spirit energy he can obliterate a lesser Hollow. Boomstick: Not bad for someone who isn't even a Soul Reaper or a Quincy! Wiz: In addition to that, he can sense spirits from miles away. This is a skill that took even the far more powerful Ichigo Kurosaki a good while to learn. Boomstick: Besides that staff of his, Don has a signature technique of his that he can use to beat the shit out of Hollows. He creates a ball of spirit energy, and flings at his enemies as hard as he can, and then it explodes! This kind of powerful technique is known as... (Sigh) the Kan'onball. Wiz: The... (sigh) Kan'onball, while it may seem weak, is actually powerful enough to kill weak Hollows and even catch stronger ones off-guard. He also has a variation of the technique known as the Raizer Kan'onball, but it's really not that much different from its base. Boomstick: But then when he really gets serious, he can crank out an ability known as... the Golden Kan'onball! It's a stronger, faster, golden-er Kan'onball! Wiz: Golden-er? Boomstick: It's a word now, Wiz. Wiz: Despite Don's big ego and the fact that he's generally useless against powerful opponents, he has actually managed to accomplish some impressive feats. He's defeated his fair share of Hollows, he's saved the life of Ichigo Kurosaki, he landed a critical blow on a Hollow while flying on a sky-bike-hovercraft thing, and most impressively, he once landed an attack on Sōsuke Aizen. Boomstick: But to be fair, Aizen was hardly even fazed and then attacked right back. Wiz: Which Kanonji miraculously survived. Boomstick: Speaking of which, here's what we've all been waiting for: His weaknesses. Get ready, because this is kind of a long list. Don is basically the butt monkey of Bleach, being almost useless against stronger opponents. He also isn't really the sharpest tool in the shed, and everything he does he usually does for his audience. Wiz: But perhaps his most critical weakness is the fact that he's constantly attaching a burden to himself to be a role model to children. Even if he's in a fight that is hopeless to his victory, he will attempt to fight to make sure that children have something to aspire to. He is literally willing to risk his life to give kids something to believe in. Boomstick: Which is really kinda bullshit! I mean, he's just gonna teach kids to do dangerous things because they saw Don Kanonji do them! Wiz: Well... not what he was going for, but okay. DEATH BATTLE! ParaGoomba348 It was another day in the city, and a large bus was traveling down the road at a breakneck pace. The exterior was painted with a picture of the world-famous tournament champion, Mr. Satan, with his name painted in large, bright letters. Inside, there were a few lesser tournament fighters, but in the very back of the bus was the World Champion himself, Hercule Satan. Hercule was drinking a glass of wine and he was wearing his signature robe. Whatever was up ahead, he deemed himself ready for. Approaching from the other side was a smaller van, being followed by a large group of cars. Inside this one was an unnamed driver, and in the passenger seat was the reality TV star Don Kanonji. However, the two were both going so fast that they crashed right into each other. Hercule got out of the bus, and Don got out of the van. "Hey, watch where you're goin'!" Hercule yelled at Don. Reporters began showing up everywhere on the spot. "Don't blame me! I've got a show to film!" Don replied. Hercule's anger instantly began to intensify. "You're gonna regret that!" Hercule yelled at the TV star, rushing toward him with his fist extended. Don quickly drew his Super Spirit Staff to block the punch, with not a moment to lose. The two then took fighting stances as the reporters began to film it all. FIGHT! "Take this!" Hercule began the battle by dashing toward Don, then delivering a swift punch into his face. The World Champion punched Kanonji in his face and his stomach, but then Don twirled his Super Spirit Staff to block Hercule's punch. "You ain't as powerful as you think, boy!" Don taunted. He jabbed his staff right into Hercule's midsection, causing his eyes to bulge out like those of... an anime character's (which he was). Hercule let out a big "Oof!" before being knocked right down to the ground. Hercule groaned and rubbed the area that Don had jabbed him in. He saw that there was a large bruise on his heavily-toned stomach. "Oh, yer gonna pay for that!" Hercule quickly got right back up, then jumped up and began a dropkick attack. "Dynamite Kick!" shouted Hercule. Don held aloft his Super Spirit Staff to block the attack, but the force of the impact sent him flying into his own van. "Ow! My head!" shouted Don. He rubbed the back of his head where he had hit the van. There was a big lump there now and his van was now dented. A few reporters rushed to his location. "And it seems that our star, Don Kanonji, has engaged in a fight with world-famous tournament champion, Hercule Satan! What can come of this?" asked a female reporter. Suddenly, Hercule got in the way of the camera and took the microphone. "I'll tell ya what can come of this!" He then gave a smug grin and his teeth gave off a star-like glow like... you guessed it, in anime. "I'm gonna kick that guy's ass!" He shouted, pointing at Don. Right before Hercule could continue with what he was saying, Don got back up and swung his staff right at Hercule's head. Hercule was knocked down to the ground as Don stood over him and took the microphone. "And that's what you get when you cross Don Kanonji! Wa-ha-ha!" He laughed, crossing his arms across his chest in an "X" shape. The crowd followed in the "Wa-ha-ha!" along with Don. "Son of a-" Hercule then grabbed Don's leg from underneath his foot and threw him down onto the ground. Hercule then punched Don in the face a few times, right before picking him right back up and delivering a powerful punch into his gut. This attack sent Don into the ground. "Yer all washed up!" Hercule taunted. Don trembled as he struggled to get back up. He saw Hercule looming over him with the biggest grin you've ever seen plastered right across his face. "Whaddaya want now?!" asked Don, covered in bruises. Hercule grinned and handed Don a small present. "Here, I've got a present for ya!" Don smiled at Hercule. "Why, thanks-" he said, opening up the present. He saw a small device that resembled a Game Boy Color, but before he could get a good look at it- BOOM! The Game Boy Color and the present box both exploded in Don's face, resulting in his face being covered with ashes. Don coughed and some smoke came out, like in... yes, again, anime. "Why, you-" Don yelled at Hercule. Little did the World Champion know, this was exactly the motivation needed for Don to get right back up. Don began to charge up a ball of spirit energy in his hand, when suddenly Hercule threw a rock right at Don's face. "Ow!" "Ha, ha, ha!" Hercule laughed. Don's face now had an anime-style red bump on it. It HURTS to have a rock collide with your face at high speeds! Right in the middle of Hercule's laughter, Don began to charge up his Super Spirit Staff with spirit energy. In the midst of Hercule's moment of vulnerability, Don jabbed his Super Spirit Staff right into Hercule's chest, sending the World Champion skyrocketing into the air. However, he was surprised to see Hercule not even touch the ground. Instead, Hercule took to the skies using his jetpack. "Ha! You can't hit me now!" Hercule taunted. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a grenade, then threw it right at Don. Right before Don could react, the grenade exploded, resulting in a few pieces of shrapnel flying into his body. "Ah!" Don shouted, seeing his body beginning to bleed and bruise. He coughed, eventually being sent down to the ground on all fours. He coughed up a little bit of blood as Hercule continued laughing in the air. Reporters all around were looking concerned. The crowds were looking around and shifting their heads and eyes, wondering exactly what was going on. "Is he okay?" "Don's not gonna die, is he?" "Please let him live!" There was lots of assorted chatter about Hercule and Don's fighting. Of course, since this was being broadcast live, and both of these had fans all around the world, you can bet your ass everyone in the world was watching this. "Not... gonna... let... you kill me!" Don shouted, remembering that he had to be a role model for children everywhere. He materialized a ball of spirit energy in his right hand. "Kan'onball!" shouted Don, launching the ball right at Hercule. Before Hercule could react, he was knocked down onto the ground. Hercule got back up, but then he felt a burning sensation on the left side of his chest. There was at least a second-degree burn there, and his robe had been seared on the spot. Needless to say, he was surprised. "Oh no..." Hercule began to panic. This guy's crazy powerful! Hercule thought to himself. No, the audience is right there! And I already began this fight! Oh man, what do I do?! Suddenly, a light bulb appeared over Hercule's head. He pulled a gun out of a holster in his pocket and aimed right at Don. "Is Mr. Satan using a gun?" "Isn't that cheating?" "Is he gonna kill Don Kanonji?!" There was more assorted chatter about this. "Hey! I need to finish this guy off before he finishes me!" Hercule yelled at his audience. He pulled the trigger of his gun. Right before he could fire, Don attempted to react but ended up getting shot in the shoulder. Blood was beginning to pour out quickly and stain his clothes a red-brown. "Ooooowwwww!" howled Don in pain. He clutched his bullet wound in agony, falling right down to the ground. Hercule began to approach Don with a smug grin. "What-" He coughed. "Are you gonna- do now-?!" Hercule laughed and then extended his arm as if to help Don back up. "Hey, ya gave it yer all. Yer just another guy ta' lose to Mr. Satan!" Don's face suddenly began to turn into a face of anger. "Hey! I haven't lost to you yet!" Hercule laughed again. "Hey, ya know-" He was interrupted by Don's staff smacking him across the face. "Yer gonna-" Don smacked him across the face with the staff again. "Lose ta me-" Don finished it off with a powerful smack across the face. Hercule angrily grabbed Don's staff, and then attempted to pull it out of Don's hands. "I'll be takin' that!" Don pulled back with all his might. "You're not gonna steal from Don Kanonji!" The reporter just stood there, with a confused expression on her face. "Erm... two powerful, grown men fighting over a stick... who would have ever thought..." Suddenly Hercule let go of the staff as Don fell backward onto the ground. Hercule's face was turning red. "Uh... I just... was... uh... playin' a game of manly tug-o'-war with 'im!" Right as Hercule was distracted, Don began to charge up another Kan'onball. "Raizer Kan'onball!" shouted Don. He threw another one at Hercule, which Hercule quickly reacted to by picking up a rock out of his pocket and throwing it at the Raizer Kan'onball. There was a resulting explosion, and the rock crumbled into dust. "If that's the way yer gonna play it..." Hercule grunted, his face getting serious. His body suddenly began to be overflowing with what little ki energy he had. "Let's get serious." Don similarly began to charge up spirit energy. "I like your thinking!" Hercule instantly rushed at Don and threw a punch, which Don blocked with his staff. Don swung his staff at Hercule, but Hercule blocked it with his open hand. The two continued exchanging blow after blow, until Don got one lucky strike in, knocking Hercule back into his bus. "Yer gonna regret that!" Hercule shouted. He was about to rush into Don again, but then he saw Don charging up a golden ball of energy in his hands. Hercule just stood there, completely horrified. "Uh... on second thought... I don't think I wanna..." Don then grinned at Hercule. "You brought this upon yourself, Mr. Satan." Don replied. "Golden Kan'onball!" He shouted. He threw the ball of Golden Spirit energy at Hercule, causing a large explosion and destroying Hercule's bus and Don's van in the process. The explosion launched Hercule into the sky, and then he landed right back down onto the ground. Don walked over to him and checked his pulse on his wrist. There wasn't a pulse. The World Champion had finally fallen. K.O.! "We'll be back... after these messages..." the reporter uncomfortably stated. She shut off the cameras. Many confused, outraged, and/or excited bystanders watched on. They say that this particular episode of Don's show got more viewers than any television program ever aired. It is also one of the highest-rated television episodes of all time. Yeah, Don had to face some jail time for this, but he was let free after Videl brought Hercule back with the Dragon Balls. So... happy ending, I guess? Results Boomstick: Well, how about that? Wiz: Hercule may be one of the strongest peak humans alive, being able to move faster than the eye can see and possessing the strength to pull four buses, but Don is an opponent unlike that he's ever faced before. Boomstick: Yeah! Don has a close- and mid-range weapon, meaning that he could outdo Hercule in close-combat. This would force Hercule to use his rocks, or his weapons that he almost never uses. Wiz: While Hercule keeps a gun in his holster, it's completely unreasonable to say he carries around his freaking MORTARS everywhere. Compare this to Don, who can create large Kan'onballs capable of destroying weaker Hollows. Boomstick: Hell, Hercule is way more used to just beating the shit out of his opponents until they're knocked out, or just completely battlefield removing them! But in a show that has to end in death, Hercule was off his game. Wiz: Finally, Don Kanonji is durable enough to tank a blow from Aizen. While one could argue that Hercule has tanked blows from Cell, Buu, and Omega Shenron, those arguments would be wrong. Cell didn't really even hit Hercule, just kinda swat him aside. Buu was distracted and didn't even use a very powerful attack on Hercule, and Omega Shenron... come on, it's GT. Boomstick: I mean... really. Hercule kinda freaks out against anyone with supernatural powers anyway. Don, on the other hand, burdens himself with being a role model to children. So forget him backing out of this one! In the end, Mr. Satan finally experienced hell on Earth. Wiz: The winner is Don Kanonji. Who would you be rooting for? Hercule Satan Don Kanonji Category:What-If? Death Battles Category:'Hero vs. Hero' Themed Death Battle Category:Completed What-If? Death Battles Category:Death Battles with a returning combatant Category:'Anime/Manga' themed Death Battles Category:'Company' themed Death Battles Category:Death Battles by 2 Different Series Category:Fedora Lord Para 348 Category:DBZ vs Bleach themed Death Battles Category:'Shueisha' themed Death Battles Category:What-If? Death Battles completed in 2015